There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.
Edith Wharton - 1862-1937 - Writer
this week’s Monday letter is centered around light. Not so much sunlight and lightbulbs, but rather a light that radiates from within. The soul, the spirit, the energy that flows within us like the blood in our veins.
The quote I chose for my senior yearbook—class of 2015—was,
Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.
—James M. Barrie
It went well with the sun tattoo I selected and had drawn with needles into the left side of my ribs. My family always called me “the sunshine” growing up. People in school described me as bubbly, free-spirited, outgoing and kind. I suppose I had this disposition, if you will, that radiated light, joy and happiness. I’ve always been endeared to light, sunbathing on the beach was a frequent hobby of mine and I always enjoyed the feeling of the sun on my skin and the warm glow it casts.
Light has always been a constant theme in my life and something I hold a lot of appreciation for. I try to further cultivate that within myself and allow it to seep into the relationships I have with the people I care deeply for in my life and strangers too. Much like the quote states, there are two ways of spreading light. By spreading your own, or illuminating it within someone else. I believe that each person was given a unique set of gifts that gives them a profound purpose that only they can uncover and it’s a blessing to both them and the world around them when they realize that gift and use it.
My cup overflows from witnessing my energy and light awaken something within someone else. You can see the inspiration light them up from within, maybe even a sparkle in their eye. I think light is one of my gifts, and sharing it with others is also a gift back to myself. It fills me with so much joy to inspire others and help them see the beauty within themselves that they’ve been blind to. We’re our own harshest critics and often we don’t see what others see in us. We scrutinize every move we make or word out of our mouths and are more keen on the things we lack than the wonderful things we possess despite our flaws.
Light, like laughter, can be contagious. When you’re around someone who is content with themselves, beams of confidence and self-acceptance, and emits love from every pore it makes you crave it for yourself. Whatever they have, I want that. The problem isn’t the wanting it but rather not knowing how to obtain it. It’s not as simple as a how-to manual because it looks different for each person. It takes time and patience and a lot of self-reflection to get to that place.
We crave that warmth and that positive glow and often gravitate towards it without even realizing it. The friendships we leave behind as we grow, the people we welcome into our lives hoping to gain just a nugget of their wisdom or wits, the people who inspire us that we aim to be like. These are all baby steps towards figuring out the type of person we want to be and how to get there. Like children, we learn by mirroring. We watch the adults use their limbs and mimic it and practice until we’ve got it. Maybe we wobble and stumble a bit at first, but eventually we catch on and go on to teach another young human one day.
The same goes for light. When we pull ourselves out of our rut or the vicious cycles we’re in and rise above it in search of something deeper and greater within ourselves, we eventually find those people and learn what we can from them. We watch how they go about their lives each day and how they approach problems and the habits they keep. We try it out thinking maybe it’ll have the same effect on us. We learn through doing. Maybe some of it sticks and the rest we leave behind, opening our mind up to something else that might take it’s place. Maybe the yoga really helped but meditation isn’t your thing. Maybe you need a rigid routine to get your day started, or maybe you gravitate towards a slow, mindful morning that remains fluid allowing you to adjust as you go.
Cultivate the light within yourself through finding the things that light you up inside. The things that make you feel alive and the things that resonate deep in your gut. As humans, we are naturally intuitive beings and we sense things on a somewhat supernatural level, a level we can’t articulate. We know when something is right for us or when life feels out of tune. Whether we listen to and trust that voice is another thing. When we can get back in touch with our intuition and our gut, we can lean in to the things that call to us and make us feel at peace. Otherwise, you’re just going through the motions. Doing things without meaning yields no results. You will never be fulfilled from a sun salutation if yoga isn’t your thing. Only when you lean into something with complete intention and decide to show up in that moment fully present can you reap the benefits and use it as a tool to deepen your connection with yourself.
There are so many ways to live and so many choices for us to make each day. From oatmeal to toast, yoga or a run, scenic route or shortcut— we craft our lives in each and every one of these moments. It’s a life-style. The style in which you live your life, the tune, the rhythm. Dance to the beat of your own drum. It’s okay to trace someone else’s and find what fits, but make sure that throughout the process, you stay true to yourself at heart. Don’t get caught up in doing a routine for how it looks or appears to others, or the praise or satisfaction you may get from that. Do it for yourself, because it feels like the right thing to do. Do it with purpose.
Only when we fill our own cups can we pour out for others. It’s corny and cheesy and seems like a simple enough statement to comprehend but to tell you the truth, I’ve only just come to fully understand what it really means and what it looks like in practice. Sometimes it means putting my phone away and not responding to messages because I need to take some time to myself to just be, or to write or take a walk in nature. Sometimes it means simply saying no. Sometimes it means letting go of friendships that served me for a season, but no longer aligns with where I’m trying to go in life. Sometimes it means doing something I don’t want to do but know that I should do.
For me, it mostly meant not relying so much on others for the things I needed to cultivate within myself. I needed to find or create the confidence that came with doing things by myself, for myself. I needed to find purpose in my daily habits and choose things to fill my day with that were meaningful to me and gave me a sense of fulfillment and also tied back to the person I am working to become. It meant finding ways to deepen my self-awareness and self-acceptance, which for me has largely been through yoga and meditation. Doing this among other things like making time for writing, reading, spending time in nature, spending time alone, and spending quality time with friends and family has helped me get to a place where I’m able to do things in a lighter and easeful way. Becoming slower to anger, ripe with compassion and understanding, and accepting of every version of someone the same way I’ve learned to do with myself.
When we aren’t happy with who we are and have a negative dialogue with ourselves, that mirrors and bleeds into the way we treat the people around us. The same way we can train our eyes to see things that we couldn’t see before, we can train our thoughts to find the good. In ourselves and in others. Once you come to terms with the things you don’t love about yourself, find ways to make peace with it or change it, and are able to truly appreciate and be confident in your strengths— you can do the same for others. You can stop holding them captive to their flaws and allowing their negativity or shortcomings to impact you. Allow people the breathing room to grow out of their flaws and instead choose to find the good in them and illuminate it.
It really comes full circle when the work we put into ourselves allows us to help others along in their journey to do the same. What we keep our focus on is extremely important and dictates how we view the world around us, our perspective. If we focus on our flaws, what we lack and the things we hate about ourselves, that’s what our lives become and the story we tell ourselves over and over again in our own heads. It also becomes our default lens for how we view others. When we can correct our perspective and gravitate towards love and light, we can allow others to release themselves from the prison of their negative thoughts and see the wonderful things they already possess within themselves, their gifts and the unique impression they can make on the world by using them.
How do you spread light into the world around you? How do you cultivate it within yourself?
Thanks for reading! The Monday Letters is a chance for me to ramble about something I’ve been pondering recently and share some insight and inspiration to take into your week. I hope this gives you something to marinade on and channel back into your own life. However it serves you, thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts each week and I’d love to hear your feedback or thoughts on light in the comments.
Farewell & talk soon,
—Haley